The emotional pain is bigger and bitter to anyone as it said about the physical ones. And we can lessen that burden of someone by giving them your positive energy and time from your side. And here are some useful tips that comes in handy if you get a chance to do it for anyone.
Here are some suggestions for showing support to those around you who are experiencing emotional pain or have suffered a loss.
- The Influence of Your Presence:
Many people think they have to say something in order to be helpful. But, it is worth remembering that for those experiencing difficulty, they mostly need people to just be there.
It doesn’t mean that you starts bombarding “YOUR” thoughts and suggestions on that person regarding that matter or situation.
Sometimes we JUST have to be good & active listener for someone. Sometimes we need to shut ourselves up and just need to listen ONLY.
The next time your loved one is going through any pain or loss, remember that just showing up is indeed a first best step.
- The Effect of Silence:
What happens after you’ve arrived and made your presence known? Your natural instinct may be to begin speaking, “quick, say something.” However, this should be avoided at all costs.
Be content with simply being there, being present, and remaining silent. Silence, especially in the face of suffering, can be difficult to maintain, but it can also be extremely beneficial.
- Validation:
You’ve arrived; you let your loved one start the conversation, and you do your best to remain silent while truly present. It might be time to say something now. Your loved one may require feedback on occasion.
The solution is to validate, validate, validate. If you must speak up, especially if your loved one requests feedback, always begin by validating.
Validating someone else’s truth entails supporting, accepting, and recognizing it.
It does not have to be your truth, and you do not have to agree with anything, but you must recognize that this is someone’s reality, at least for the time being.
- Reframing:
Reframing entails seeing the frame of the spoken words, as well as hearing the unspoken assumptions and locating an alternative view-lens for your loved one. You are challenging assumptions rather than facts, and you are doing so in the most subtle ways possible.
Reframing will be most effective if you avoid confrontation while connecting it to something your loved one truly believes in, rather than something you just think about. Finally, to make this approach more effective, ask for permission first and then offer validation.
- Use yourself but not at this time:
Make use of your presence, silence, validation, and reframing, but don’t make it all about you. Sitting with someone who is experiencing emotional pain and loss can often arouse your own feelings about past, present, or anticipated future loss.
You may also become emotional as a result of your strong feelings for someone who is in pain, leaving you either upset or helpless.
- Don’t Really Give Advice:
Advice from the “expert,” those who are knowledgeable or authoritative, is generally welcomed. When someone is hurting, in pain, or grieving, he or she requires more than knowledge or advice; he or she requires your support, someone to listen, and the assurance that she or he is not alone.
It is difficult to refrain from offering advice in the presence of pain, just as it is difficult to remain silent. This is related to the desire to assist, to say something, to “save the day.”
Even when someone asks for advice, he or she most likely requires a sounding board, and if you are ever pressed for feedback, begin by validating, then reframe, and then proceed with a careful use of Socratic questioning, and you may be surprised how powerful this process can be.
- Provide Concrete Assistance:
Avoid giving advice, but be generous with concrete assistance. Provide a glass of water, your handkerchief, some food, or even more of your time.
Offer to babysit, clean the house, or go grocery shopping. These tangible ways of assisting will make a significant difference in the life of your loved one. Although you may think they are insignificant, these basic needs are extremely important.
- Follow Up:
Support becomes more meaningful when you follow up on a regular basis until your loved one adjusts to the pain or loss. A phone call, an email or text message, or a quick visit after work can all help “cement” your initial comfort.
If you can afford it, an invitation to lunch or dinner where you pick up the tab will be seen as kind and generous, and can help your loved one’s psychological healing.
- Be Sincere:
Finally, in everything you do or say, be sure to offer authenticity and your true self. Avoid being distracted as much as possible when sitting with your loved ones. Be present in body and spirit, and be yourself.
For example, if it is difficult for you to remain silent, simply say it rather than struggling or becoming anxious about the associated discomfort. If your loved one’s situation requires you to express your emotions, simply acknowledge this and be yourself. Your genuine and authentic self can be surprisingly powerful.
To read our blog on “How To develop empathy: how it will benefit you,” click here
